B13 Practice #7 Guide

By Stephanie Maughan

Today we are talking about the third principle from the NEPEM model which is: Guide.

One day when I was homeschooling our three children, I found that two of the three were self motivated and working on their assignments and other was not so easily entreated. This was not the first day that this had happened. In my efforts to arrive at a create solution with a desire to motivate, I invited the child to come with me outside in the backyard. As we stood there I remember saying something like, “okay now go and touch each of the fences three times and then come back.” to which the child just stood there. I then took my child by the had and gently tried to pulling them along to the first fence. This was not working. Then this thought came distinctly to my mind, “I guess your the one getting the lesson today.” I then turned to my child and said, “I’m sorry, I think I am the one who needed to learn from you today. We just can’t force people to do what we want them to, they have to want it for them self.”

As a parent, I can confidently say that my children have been among my greatest teachers. As adults they are still teaching me today.

Another great teacher in my life has been my own parents. Which brings me to another story. My dad was a university professor. He had his Ph. D in Physical Education and Nutrition. He was a hard working individual with a great work ethic.

During the summers off of teaching he would take on painting jobs in the neighborhood. When I got into my teen years this was one way I could earn a little money by working with him. One sunny afternoon, a man we knew got out of his car and proceeded to approach my dad who was working up on a ladder. The man proceeded to yell, and swear at my father for bidding a job lower than he had. I was in a bit of shock. I then heard my father calmly say to the man, “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

When the man left I was shaking a little bit and wanted to know that my dad was okay. I was mad at this man and ready to tell him what I though of him. As an adult, I now recognize that my dad, was most taken by surprise as well. Yet he was a stalwart man, and I never did see or hear him fly in a temper. I think the worst word I ever heard him say was, crap.

Just as we learn from the experiences of raising our children, they in turn are definitely learning from us. Our example, of how we respond to various life circumstances teaches them louder than anything we can tell them. Setting an example is what I would say is the number one way we can guide a child.

Another way we can guide a child is shown in an example taught by a master teacher Stephen Covey. Although this was recorded a while ago, the guiding principles taught here are relevant and meaningful. Principle based solutions will stand the test of time, no matter the clothing and hair styles. Let’s take a look at this positive example of guiding children.

I hope this example put a smile on your face and some warmth in your heart as it did mine. I felt that it clearly reminds us of the privilege we have, in the role as a parent.

Another great resource for parenting is found in a book called, “Between Parent and Child” by Dr. Haim G. Ginott. In the book Dr. Ginott reviews, 7 Steps that will help guide us parents, so that we can guide our children.

1. The beginning of wisdom is listening. .
2. Do not deny your child’s perceptions.
3. Instead of criticism, use guidance. State the problem and possible solution.
4. When angry, describe what your see what you feel, and what you expect, starting with the pronoun “I.”
5. Praising.
6. Learn to say “no.”
7. Give children a choice and a voice in matters that affect their lives.

Our children will learn a lot from us as their parents, in how to think, behave, act, and respond to the various circumstances in life. As we follow correct principles we too will continue to grow and adapt to the various stages of development of our children. These 7 steps, will continue to be a useful guide to us along the way and can be applied to other relationships as well.

Invitation #1 in the area of Guide – Remember our example speaks louder than our words.

Invitation #2 in the area of Guide – Listen and choose a principle based response to the challenges that arise,